Monday, May 28, 2007

Hot water with lemon?

What is this frightening new phenomenon? I work as a server to support my writing habit,…and my working-for-a-nonprofit habit. Sometimes I love it. Sometimes I hate it. What I really don’t get is this new “hot water with lemon” thing. Is there some new diet that I’m not familiar with these days?

Where we used to be able to rack the bill up with cappuccinos, hot tea and dessert, we are now bringing four FREE hot waters to the table and refilling them for people who sneer, “I’d LIKE some more HOT WATER, please?” I want to say, “Oh, I would LOVE To bring you more FREE hot water. In fact, I would REALLY LOVE to come over to your house and do all kinds of thing s for free for you. Do you have a pool? I’d like to clean it. Need a foot rub? Sign me up! For now, I’ll just run back to the coffee station between my 8 four-tops and get some more FREE hot water for you before I put my other orders in.

I could probably save time by making a public announcement in the middle of my section; (clears throat loudly) “I am NOW going on my FREE hot water run. Would ANYONE ELSE like some FREE hot water? No tipping necessary. It is my pleasure!”

I’m probably in hot water now.

“If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door. “ -- Paul Beatty